When it comes to improving our relationships, most of us automatically focus on what we should or shouldn’t do to relate to others. My concern is that we do this at the expense of overlooking what is perhaps the most important factor in great relationships – THE HEART!
I’m not referring to the beating muscle inside your chest comprised of a series of valves pumping blood to the various parts of your body, but the center core of who we are.
The part of us that feels, makes choices, wills to do and is the fertile ground for our hopes, dreams and aspirations. Proverbs 4:23 declares, keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. (AMP)
In everyday language this is saying, your life (and relationships) is the product of what germinates and grows in your heart. You could say, the condition of your heart determines the quality of your relationships.
The problem is, too often we neglect our hearts and allow them to grow hard and indifferent toward God and people. God intended our hearts to be a free-flowing conduit of His life, love and power. Not some calloused over, closed off place where nothing enters and exits.
The writer of Hebrews warns, do not harden your hearts as did the Children of Israel who as a result missed out on everything God prepared for them.
So how do we guard our heart? One thing is for sure, you can’t control circumstances or what others do. At times, people will disappoint us, reject us and mistreat us so it’s not a matter of protecting ourselves from every outside interaction.
But we can guard ourselves from the inside out; that’s the key. We can choose how we respond to disappointment, how to process rejection and what a negative experience will mean to us. This begins by doing three things well:
1. Watch What You Think
Ninety plus percent of all relational conflict is rooted in misunderstanding. Communication between two people is imperfect at it’s best, so it’s easy to misjudge, to think negatively about others and end up with an attitude, even unforgiveness toward others. It’s always helped me to hold tightly to the truth love is ever ready to believe the best of every person - 1 Corinthians 13:7.
2. Keep A Clear Conscience
Always obey and live responsive to your conscience. When it comes to how to relate or communicate with poeple your heart is your greatest coach. On the flip side, when you ignore your conscience you leave unfinished business and a gaping whole for the enemy to create conflict and division.
3. Forgive Unconditionally
It’s inevitable, at some point most likely yet this week, someone will rub you the wrong way, cause you disappointment or mistreat you requiring you to forgive.
Here’s the deal, forgiveness is not a feeling, but a choice and because of that, we should decide ahead of time that nothing anyone does regardless of how severe or how frequent will keep us from freely forgiving.
Remember, marriage or a friendship is a union between two good forgivers.
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